The Allegoric Hegemony

A bevy of alien ice queens come to Earth to breed with horney college boys, only some of them don’t survive the process.

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Victor Reynolds (Michael Cardelle) comes to help out his old friend Roderick Usher (Frank Mentier) who’s wasting away in his crumbling mansion surrounded by his sister, his hot handyman Markus (Jack Carlisle) and the ghosts of boyfriends past.  Roderick tries to re-kindle their relationship.  When Victor spurns Roderick’s advances, sister Madeline tries her hand and the household ghosts get into the act.  House of Usher is another David DeCoteau horror / skin fest.

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Dreamscape (1984) follows Alex Gardner (Dennis Quaid), a psychic who spends his time making winning bets on horse races and dodging gangsters who is blackmailed into participating in a government funded dream research project.  When he comes into conflict with the resident baddies, he must save the president from being killed by a dream assasin sent by a government operative who doesn’t want the president signing disarmament orders.

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Playroom (aka Consequences) - a group of mostly jock buddies (Chris Cannon, Nicholas Kattar, Paul Marron, Adam Ratcliffe & Michael Tranzilli) from high school reunite for their annual “football weekend” away from thier wives and families.  This time, two of them are out looking to get laid and find themselves seduced by a couple of hookers and then chained up in the “playroom” of a mad porno producer out to use them in his films.  Their buddies try to rescue them while keeping things a secret from the wives back home.  As an attempt at a horror movie, it had it’s moments, but was basically just an excuse to get hot guys shirtless / stripped and tied up.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. . . .

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Pure schlocky B-movie.  Danny Freemont (Casper van Dien) is a down on his luck archeologist who runs afoul of a world dominiation seeking group call the Hellfire Counsel shortly after World War I.  It seems there are pieces of a mystical emarald tablet that are strewn about the earth and Danny seems to be the only one who can track them down only to see them stolen by the Hellfire goons as soon as he unearths them.  Once united, the pieces will reform the tablet and give the possesor untold power, etc.  And the last bit is hidden somewhere in King Tut’s Tomb.

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Pathology, a horror flick featuring Milo Ventimiglia as a young doctor who gets caught up in a murder club of his fellow students.  Seems to be mostly an excuse to show off Milo’s tush, but not too bad a film.

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In George Romero’s Monkey Shines,  Allan Mann (Jason Beghe) is a quadriplegic who’s scientist friend gets him a helper monkey.  An experimental, genetically modified, EVIL helper monkey, but it’s the thought that counts.

Jason has a couple of nice, gratuitous sponge bath scenes, not to mention some nekkid stretching, and we get Stanley Tucci in a towel just before he’s monkeyed with.

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William Gregory Lee (Dante’s Cove) stars in Wolves of Wall Street as a young man who comes to New York seeking his dream only to fall in with a pack of evil underwear models who are stock brokers by day and werewolves by night.

Creature from the Black Lagoon, the 1954 horror flick provides Richard Carlson, Richard Denning, and an unknown extra running around scantily clad and looking for the underwater monster (King Kong gets damp).

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In After Death, A group of scientists go to a remote jungle island to cure cancer.  They end up ticking off the local witch doctor who unleashes zombies to eat their faces off and such.  One little girl escapes and of course ends up coming back years later as an adult when she just happens to be passing by in a boat full of mercenaries (which gets pulled to the island).

Meanwhile, Jeff Stryker (the gay porn star, under the name “Chuck Peyton”) is in a group of three people that for some reason has come to visit the same island to try and find out what happened many years ago.  Of course, they have to read the magic words that rev up the zombies again.

This makes “Voodoo Academy” look like Oscar material. You can’t really complain about Stryker’s acting since it was no worse than any of the others.  However, although he keeps his shirt unbuttoned to the waist throughout the film, they missed a lot of chances to just rip it off and be done with it.  At least “Voodoo Academy” got the cute guys down to their underwear.

There is one scene that’s kind of funny:  while Jeff and the damsel in distress are walking into the zombie lair, they start playing music that could have come from a porn movie.

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